We have an IVF orientation tomorrow afternoon. I'm half excited that we are finally getting this show on the road after almost 4 years of trying to conceive (TTC). The other half of me is sad, and grieving that we've gotten to this point and all of the fear that comes with the unknown. Will I go absolutely bat-shit-crayzee if cycles 1 & 2 don't work? What if my dream of becoming a mother is finally achieved? I've just got to put on my big girl panties, bring my "big limit/low interest rate credit card" and show up the appointment and see what my future holds.
Despite YEARS of hoping we'd be like those other "miracle couples" EVERYONE loves to talk about where they found out they were pregnant right BEFORE they were going to do IVF, that's not us. Unfortunately.(If you are guilty of telling such a story- I know you're trying to help but those stories are about 2% helpful to infertiles) Because I'm still an aspiring optimist, I say "great for those fictitious couples and their bank accounts."
I also struggle with the fact that my religion basically deems IVF a sin. I'm conflicted why god would've given man the knowledge to invent and develop Reproductive Medicine only to say "Hell no- you sinning bastards! You can't do that or you'll burn in hell." I don't accept the argument that I should just naturally be okay with adoption. It's a biological instinct to want to procreate. Just because my body is acting like a lazy-bitch piece of shit, doesn't mean that I cannot be a mother.
Adoption is a whole other blog post. Here's the cliff's notes version: People are fucking idiots! They think you can just go put your name in at the "Acme Adoption Agency" and put a down payment on a "white baby". The reality is that the journey of building a family through adoption is just as financially and emotionally draining. What the stupid peanut gallery doesn't bother to inform themselves about is the typical cost of a domestic (U.S.) adoption is $30,000 and the process of being deemed fit to be put on a list of "perspective parents" can take up to 18 months. There are many variables-Birth moms can change their mind even after you've paid your money; you may never be selected by a birth mom to raise her child. If you do get your baby/child you can depend on the Court System to fuck it all up and drag out adoption hearings etc. Then maybe 12 months after you get a baby/child they court will officially recognize you as a parent on paper. Obviously I've listed a worst case scenario- many adoptions don't have these road blocks and obstacles, but some do. I'm open to it but it seems like just the same amount of risk and potential heartache and I'm just not willing to take that on without trying for a biological child.
Back to the title of the post...You might be wondering what the hell IVF orientation is. All I know is that both of us have to be there to go over "IVF 101", sign consent forms, discuss a plan of how many embryos to implant, discuss our ethical and moral stance on if we want to freeze any eggs or embryos we might have left over and to discuss time frame and protocol for when we want to start "cycling" (doing the medicine/hormone shots). I'll be sure to come back and let you know how it goes.
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