What the hell is Baby Rabies?
Baby Rabies is defined on UrbanDictionary.com as the condition wherin the biological drive to have a baby morphs into a neurotic obsession to have a baby by any means necessary. The obsession consumes the sufferers' thoughts and activities to the exclusion of all else.
I imagine that the condition varies a bit when confounded by the realization you are struggling with infertility.
So after a much needed "ladies night out" to catch up with a good friend last night, I got to thinking about a lot of stuff-some baby related. I suppose the deep fried spread of food we ordered and
On my way home from dinner I called my mom just to check in. I ended driving over to my parents house and just chatted with them for a bit. All of a sudden, an overwhelming urge to climb up in the attic came over me. It just took over. It was like like a cross between crazy hormones and some sort of wanna-be motherly instinct took over my body.
You're probably wondering- "what the fuck does this crazy bitch want out of the attic at 9:45pm on a Wednesday night?"
I'm hanging my head low with shame as I type this because I realize it's crazy. Childrens Books. I needed to get up there and retrieve the 5 boxes of childrens books my Mom had saved for my sister at that very moment.
I turn to my Mom and explain to her that "I'm losing my mind and I was wondering if I can go get my childrens books out of the attic. I think surrounding myself with those memories will be good for my emotional well being."
So at 9:45pm my Mom goes out into the garage with me and I pull down the attic stairs and climb up into that 90 degree, pitch black attic. My Mom says "Honey you are not dressed to go into the attic", although she used nice words, her tone made me think she was really thinking "Hey crazy bitch, why don't cha get down off that ladder and let momma get back to watching her PBS documentary on Polish people".
She was right. I was still wearing my clothes from work- black wedge shoes and my business casual work attire and I had freshly manicured nails- in "whore red" of course. This may deter a sane person, but there was NO stopping me.
My Dad comes out to see what all the commotion is about and he's telling my mom to get down off the ladder that he will help. She explains to him that I "need my story books". I might have been being a little paranoid but it felt kind of like one of those situations when people are just patronizing a crazy person, talking to them in a weird calm voice and backing away slowly so they don't get "shanked" by said crazy person during a potential psychotic episode.
My Mom is deathly afraid of mice and critters So as I'm walking on beams and 2x4s in black wedges, hunched over like some chubby Quasimodo, dodging old Christmas trees, empty flower pots I noticed some mouse droppings. I mention to her in a delicate way that she should probably get down off the ladder because I think there might be things she doesn't like up here. She immediately tensed up, begged me to tell her "it wasn't so" and then retreated down the ladder while trying to contain her screams and hee bee jee bees. The last thing I needed was something scurrying out up there and cause her to jump down 10 feet to her death all because my baby rabies couldn't be contained. At 10pm on a Wednesday night. (shaking my head)
It's so flippin' dark up there and the one light bulb on a string isn't cutting it because I had to maneuver all the way to the opposite corner of the attic. Dad kindly handed me a flashlight and I explained "I'm really sorry but I'm think this is all hormones. Don't worry I'm not pregnant, just going a little crazy"
He said "Oh, I'm not worried." I said "Why 'cuz I'm married?" He said "yeah, and it'd be great". Awww! It's not an episode of "7th Heaven" but that is how "deep, meaningful father-daughter conversations" have always gone in my family.
Once I pass through some other old shit worthy of a hoarders episode, I finally find what I've been searching for! So I start digging through boxes and passing them across the attic to my Dad. Some of the boxes had dead creepy crawlies in them so we took them out of the attic boxes and repackaged them up in newer boxes. Mom helped me carry them to my car. We had a lovely 10 minutes of "Oh!!! Remember this one! I loooooooved this book" except Mom and I were saying that about every book!
It was so dark and hot up there, I was sweating like a beast. In my work clothes. (shaking my head again) I got out four boxes but I didn't find all of the old books I was looking for so maybe I"ll go back up there this weekend during the day so I can get some extra light up there to aid in my search.
But this is just a sneak peak at these gems I uncovered last night:
So I'm back to normal today, but now I'm wondering how I'm going to explain to my husband why there are 4 huge boxes of kids books in our guest room.
Should be an interesting weekend!
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